Please stop the judgmental statements and personal attacks telling me what a responsible parent does and defining “my job” as a parent. It is not healthy or helpful to state such things. Clearly we parent differently and disagree about what best meets the needs of the children. If something needs to be done for the kids, please do it because you notice a need and you want to do it for them not because you are doing “my job”. I don’t think like you or notice or keep track of the same things you do or even as well as you. It appears you are out to catch me or discover and expose my weaknesses and failings. Which I have many of. Let’s work together to care for the children not against each other. 

Okay. Please just make sure Ty’s baseball uniform / equipment and Sloan’s piano books, soccer cleats, and shin guards in their backpacks on Tuesday morning when you drop them off for school.  

I’m sending Trent’s OT homework. It’s all there in his backpack with instructions. Both Ty and Trent’s medication is in their backpack.

Here’s the schedule for Monday (your parent time) – and like I said, every single weekday is packed like this, and I’m available to help.

Here are the details:
1:25PM – Pick-up Trent and Sloan from school
2:55PM – Pick-up Ty from school
3:20PM – Take Ty to vaccination appointment
4:20PM – Take Ty to baseball practice/game
4:45PM – Take Sloan to piano lesson
5:30PM – Take Sloan to soccer practice
6:30PM – Pick up Sloan from soccer practice
6:50PM – Watch baseball game
8:00PM – Pick up Ty from baseball game
Evening – pack up all the kids stuff in their backpacks so it will be in their backpack when I pick them up from school.

Again, I’m available to help with any / all of these things as are my parents. Please let me know.

Maureen, I’m totally capable of getting the kids everywhere they need to be. Jill is so great with the kids. Please stop treating us like we’re bad parents just because we’re not control freaks.

Are you going to be a responsible parent or not? Sloan missed her soccer practice. I left around 6:20PM and there was no sign of her. I picked up her uniform. You left Ty at the baseball practice/game, starving with no food, thirsty with no water, and you never showed. So I got him dinner, water, and took him to my house when it was over. You didn’t pick him up until 10:15PM with no word from you. Trent’s occupational therapy homework wasn’t done. Neither Trent nor Ty took their medication this morning.  When they got home from school, their piano books, OT homework, uniforms weren’t in their backpacks. You assured me you would take care of the kids, and I ended up doing your job for you. And now, to have to remind you, yet again to bring their stuff back. We need it back right now. Please bring it asap.

A responsible parent follows through with what they say they’re going to do.

It sounds like you are disappointed with how things went on Monday. If you have specific expectations, please communiate them in detail. 

Please provide details on the OT homework. 

A responsible parent doesn’t need line by line instructions about making sure their child has water, food, medication, your presence, or to be dropped off / picked up on time.

On Trent’s OT homework, all the details necessary are on the homework. Had you looked at it, you would know that.

Maureen, you and I both know that there was no homework in Trent’s backpack, so how could I have read the instructions on something that doesn’t exist? I can’t co-parent with you if you don’t send the kids with the supplies they need.

Hey Chuck, are you ok? The older kids are concerned about you during your time with them. They said you are not coping well and very overwhelmed.

Harris was upset when I got him home today and told me this story, “He was puking and very sick on Saturday and had fallen asleep. He woke up and was home alone. Then your mom came over. He was upset and not feeling well and wanted me. Your mom would not call me.” The older kids heard this and verified that Harris, our sick 7 year old was left alone at your house and you guys were gone from before 2pm till after 7pm.

First, if you need to look again at our MSA I have attached the Right of First Refusal which you have broken. Second, within the last year you were actively trying to get a restraining order against your mom to protect our kids due to her toxicity, gas lighting, manipulation and disregard of your boundaries. Why is she caring for Harris?

Thirdly, I already had Lilian. Not that you asked for help, you had zero communication with me. Lilian called and said she had no way of getting to her scrimmage so I picked her up and postponed my evening plans to feed and bathe Lilian till you could pick her up at 5:45pm. I could have easily cared for Harris both Saturday and Sunday.

I am really concerned, Chuck. If you are struggling and unable to care for our kids during your parenting time, I should be the 1st person you ask for help. Who better to care for a puking feverish child than their Pediatric Nurse Mom?

Initiate nothing because everything happened during his time, and he didn’t write you about anything.

I do not want to get into a back-and-forth message contest with you, so I chose not to respond too hastily. I am not sure where all of the accusations have come from, considering our conversation in person on Wednesday morning and the relatively good communication we have had recently, not to mention the great “family” time we had with our kids back in November when we all went to Harris’ soccer party.

However, since you are insisting on a response (under threat of hiring a lawyer), I will simply say that your summary of what happened last Saturday at my house is not accurate, and I have not “broken” any right of refusal clause. Harris spending time with his grandmother is not a violation of the right of refusal, despite how you feel about her. Our MSA specifically says that we shall permit the children to communicate with relatives of the other party. I will continue to encourage our children to have a relationship with my family members and your family members, in spite of some of my mom’s shortfalls in the past. Isn’t that what we are supposed to model for our kids? You blame my mom for not calling you when Harris was sick, but that assumes I was not available, which is not true, and you also forget that my mom does not even have your cell phone number, which I thought was how you wanted it.

Your presumption that “I am struggling” or “unable to care” for our kids is untrue. The reality is that I am raising our kids as best as I know Page 1 of 2 how, and while you may not agree with every one of my parenting decisions along the way. We both have equal roles in their lives. I ask that you respect my parenting decisions (even when you don’t necessarily agree with them), as I will attempt to do for you, and MOST IMPORTANTLY, please make sure that you are supporting me with our kids, rather than undermining me, since we still have a lot of co parenting to do together.

I do not view our partnership as a message contest. When we exchanged the kids extra stuff at the jr high I had not received the children yet so I knew nothing about Saturday, as I wrote in my message. Our communication was only about Lilian and Harris IEP meetings, which I updated you on.

As for the great “family” time in November, I did that for the kids. The 5 of us were 1st responders to a horrific motorcycle accident. The kids wanted you. That’s why you were with us.

I did not threaten you. I threat would read “if you don’t reply to me I will take you to court” that’s not what I wrote.

Per the children’s story of Saturday, yes the Right of First Refusal was broken with Harris being with another person for over 4 hours. Whether it’s your mom or anyone other than me, I must be offered to care for the child being left. Your mom has your number, and you have mine. I could have been reached and that’s what Harris wanted. Every time Harris has asked to hang with you or talk to you during my time, I make it happen. I talk positively about you in front of the kids to encourage a good relationship with you, never have I done anything else.

We do not agree about your mom and Harris is the only child willing to see her due to her actions, behaviors and hurt towards our kids. I have no word in that matter.

Respecting you leaving Harris home alone I cannot do. Leaving him with someone else for over 4 hours without asking me, I cannot respect.

Yes, we are very different and will raise our children differently. I am aware of that. I have proven to coparent well with you. I have offered you Right of First Refusal twice. I have contacted you when any child wants to talk with you. I do not undermine you in front of the kids. I listen to the kids concerns and communicate them to you. I have done so since separation. That is not undermining you. Undermining you would be telling the kids what you’ve done to me, I would never do that. That’s no weight a child should carry.

Hey, Chuck, wow, that sunrise was beautiful. Did you see it? I’m just waiting to hear back from my attorney before I get back with you about this. 

Thanks so much. 

Amal

Since our divorce, I’ve always initiated a weekly update on Mondays (without him writing first). So I’m going to keep doing that for a bit until I’ve transitioned everything else over.

Ramy is doing better. He’s requested to stay with me today and continue to recover. He said you said that was okay.  (George has also requested to stay at my house for Monday and Tuesday night.. Ramy hopes to  make it to the LUFC tryouts tonight. I will sign him up to do so if it is ok with you.  

For Lilian and Harris: I have purchased their year books before the prices go up (please see attached receipt).  They also wanted to participate in a Tile Painting at the elementary school (apparently the school only does this every 10 years), they are able to paint today right after school (please see attached receipts).  If it works best for you, I can go to the elementary school at 2:05pm and facilitate them painting while you pick George up from the jr high at 2:25pm (from the front door, he walks out on his own), then the 2 of you could drive to the elementary school and Lilian and Harris will be done by 3pm. Let me know if that works for you.  If so, I will bring Lilian and Harris extra items for you then.  I have completed Lilian and Harris Valentines for them to pass out this Wednesday (please see attached receipt).

For Lilian’s club soccer: 

I am still emailing Coach Chung to try to figure out why the order will not process. When it is complete I will send you the receipt. The elementary school does not have school this Friday. Lilian has requested to stay with me on Friday and I would take her to Luke’s Birthday Party at 1pm. 

For Ramy: he has asked to try out for multiple club teams. I have talked to Coach Daren about Ramy’s possible transition after State Cup, Daren is supportive. I am working with Arshan’s parents to possibly move both boys to the same club. There are tryouts tonight, Wednesday and Thursday night for Pateadores, ESL CFA, and LUFC. 

Let me know if you have any questions, comments or concerns. Thank you.

Hey, Chuck, what a beautiful sunset last night!

Here’s your weekly update: Ramy is doing better. He’s requested to stay with me and said he checked with you. 

I realized that OFW has a calendar. I’m going to start putting events there. You’ll see I’ve put the painting and the LUFC tryouts tonight.  

Same thing with the OFW expense log – it’s actually really cool. Your upgrade should have this feature, if not I will pay for yours too. I’ve added the expenses for Lilian and Harris yearbook. I’ll just add expenses to that log from now on. You’ll see some others I’ve logged there. 

The kids wanted to do Tile Painting at the elementary. They’re able to paint today after school (see receipts on the OFW expense log). They require supervision, so if you can’t supervise, I’ll go 2:05pm and wait while you pick George up from the jr high at 2:25pm? Let me know. If so, I’lll bring Lilian and Harris stuff.

I dropped Harris Valentines off at the school (see attached expense logs).

For Lilian,  I put it on the expense log. 

There’s no school at the elementary on Friday. Lilian wants to stay with me on Friday and I’ll take her to Luke’s Birthday Party at 1pm if that works.

Ramy wants to try out for multiple club teams. I talked to Coach Daren about Ramy’s possible transition after State Cup. Daren is supportive. I’m working with Arshan’s parents to possibly move both boys to the same club. Tryouts are tonight, Wednesday and Thursday night for Pateadores, ESL CFA, and LUFC. 

Thanks!

Amal

Harris threw up and the school called me during Chuck’s parent time. I picked up Harris to bring him home and take care of him. I was suppoed to pick him up from school to start my parent time today.

The elementary school called and said you did not feed Harris breakfast, and he took his meds. He puked in class and I picked  him up at 8:30am. Let me know if I can keep the kids Monday-Friday to help you out and give the kids stability. Thanks. Have a great day.

Write nothing to Chuck. He didn’t send a message and what happened was not talked about in a message. When the school calls, say “Oh, it’s Chuck’s parent time, but I can come pick Harris up if Chuck can’t. So call me back if it doesn’t work out with Chuck.”

Hey Chuck, hope we see the sun soon!

After you did not pick up Lilian and Harris yesterday from school, even though the school called you early in the morning and Lilian called you multiple times at pick up, I am concerned. We both receive school emails and school reminders from all teachers. What happened? The kids were very upset. I am glad I was available to keep them safe.

Last night Lilian sent this text to me (see attached). Lilian is 9 years old. Her innocence is our responsibility. After all the cheeky underwear and black underwire bra you have purchased I assumed you understood how inappropriate those choices were. Now I am concerned that you do not understand. Shelf bras or sports bras is all Lilian should be wearing.

Would you like to give me money so I can purchase appropriate undergarments for Lilian to have at your house?

Let me know. Thanks
Amal

Write nothing to Chuck. He did not send a message and what happened was not talked about in a message he sent. Instead, I’ll take Lilian bra shopping and spend time with her and see how she feels about it. If she feels uncomfortable, I’ll ask her questions and just listen.

I let fear mess me up this morning. I had a feeling Chuck wasn’t receiving emails from our Oldest son’s school.  I was correct.  That’s his fault but I let the fear grip me and I sent a message without him messaging me first – which I didn’t have to because the appointment was on the OFW calendar. He showed up at the appointment. I did a good job being somewhat friendly. It was a very important meeting discussing High School options and they are helping me advocate for our youngest IEP meetings. 

I thought I was in the clear walking out to my car, but Chuck caught up to me. He was aggressive, threatening and mean talking about an IRS situation which is HIS fault from years ago. I should have kept my mouth shut but I yelled at him about why his problems weren’t my problems anymore – thank goodness. It didn’t go well.  At all.

Morning, Chuck, Harris has an IEP today at the school, just checking to see if you’ll be there?

Write nothing. It was in the OFW calendar. If he wrote about it, I could have just responded with a strategic message with a screenshot of the calendar.

Hey, my parent time starts at 3PM. Stop changing it to 5 on the calendar. 

Chuck

AHH! He’s driving me crazy! He can’t pick up the kids until 5 because of his work schedule. He just knows the neighbor will pick up him. Why doesn’t he just live in reality and change the schedule to something that makes sense?

I’ll tell Lilian to call him if he doesn’t show up to get her. And to go back in to the school and have the school call him. I told Lilian, “Hey, Sweetie, it’s your dad’s parent time. I’m going to be away and I won’t be able to pick you up. And Nikki won’t pick you up either since it’s your dad’s time. If he doesn’t show up, call him. and then go back in the school and have them call your dad. Maybe take a book to read just in case it takes him awhile to get there? I love you and I hope everything works out.”

I’m NOT going to help him. I’ll be praying for Lilian! I’m going to go to my friends house several hours a way so I’m not compelled to parent for Chuck.

Chuck, you don’t get done with work until 5. Just put it on the calendar as 5. Just because Nikki picks up doesn’t mean you can just claim that as your time.

Hey, Chuck, the sunrise was amazing this morning.

I was so confused, haha. I messed up and arranged for Nikki to pick up Lilian during your time. I’m sorry! I appreciate your patience as I figure this out.

I let Nikki know so she doesn’t mess with your time.

Thanks. I’m grateful we can work together.

Amal

Hey, Amal, we didn’t go over taxes in the divorce. But obviously this tax liability needs to be split 50/50. Let me know how you want to do this. Your half is $35,068.81.

Chuck, what are you talking about? The decree doesn’t say anything about splitting your tax bill. You shouldn’t even be sending this over. And even if I had to pay, how would I pay your taxes? I barely have enough money to get by since you haven’t been paying your share of the expenses.