Chuck has NEVER, not once, suggested setting up a call with the kids. In fact, he steals their phones so they can’t contact me. I know from Living Free this is a trap, so I’m going to give him the impression I’m apathetic toward it, hopefully I can talk with Lucas without his dad using it as a weapon. Hopefully Lucas will be able to access his phone.

Chuck, it’s so freezing tonight! Thanks so much for offering to have us video call the kids. We’re busy tonight, but maybe tomorrow?

About Christmas break, I don’t feel comfortable changing the stipulation. But if this is something you feel strongly about, just add this your case, I guess? We’ll pick them up on the 1st at 7PM.

Also, I spoke with Bekka, sounds like she’s not getting back until Tuesday. No worries, I’ll just keep her on January 13-14 to make up for taking her on my time.

Since scheduling has been such a problem, I’ve been thinking we should follow the directions of the mediator to use Our Family Wizard (OFW) so we can interact directly. The app is awesome and I bought the Premium subscription one for both of us, did you get the link?

We can use it on our phones (so it’s just like texting). And the calendar, expense log, OFWPay, everything is in one place. From now on, I’ll be communicating through OFW so nothing falls through the cracks. I have a message in there waiting for you.

Thanks so much. I’m so grateful we can work together!

Carmen

As with Thanksgiving, you are unilaterally attempting to change our scheduling agreement partway through the break we are already in:

1. We decided to switch weeks (30-3-35 ACTUALLY says normally I would have the first week, and you’d have them now)
2. We decided to hand off the kids on the 26th (30-3-35 says hand off is on the 27th), and 
3. When dividing both Thanksgiving and Christmas break, we put into the calendar that I would have them until dropping them at school (30-3-35 says at 7pm night before) 

Just like with Thanksgiving break, the agreement was already in place, we are already in the middle of the agreed upon schedule during the break, and NOW you have decided to change things. 

Not only that, but you aren’t even even actually following 30-3-35, which is what you pretend. It’s an odd year. See 1-3 above. You are ARBITRARILY choosing a date and time that no order or statute actually states for 2023. According to 30-3-35, you should have them right now. You could have brought this up anytime before the break, but you chose not to, just like with Thanksgiving. 

I can only guess what your actual motivations are, but I can tell with certainty that the children’s welfare is not why you feel the need to change things. Just like with Thanksgiving, I can get them to school just fine.

Given your lack of substantial grounds to change things, as explained above, let me know how you plan to proceed.

Communication

Also, please tell me where in our “orders” I am required to use Our Family Wizard? I don’t want to change to a new tool, thanks. I’ll continue using email, text, and the shared calendar we have for the last 6+ years. We didn’t come to an agreement on anything in mediation. The mediator directed nothing–they mediated. If you’d like to use this tool, (which I actually don’t care for) how about you show me you’re willing to do something on your end as a concession, have a meaningful discussion, or even ask nicely, rather than rudely making demands and unilateral decisions, especially ones you have no power nor authority to make yourself. 

Video call

Ok, today around 3-4pm works for a call. Does that work for you?

Chuck

Hey, Chuck, I’ve responded in the OFW app. Thanks!

I saw you asked Marylin for the itinerary. Is that something you would like? I don’t recall you asking me for it, but I’m happy to provide it. See the text I just sent.

Hey, Chuck, I’ve responded in the app. I’d prefer to use the app because it has a calendar, expense log, everything we need to make sure we’re co-parenting effectively. I’m looking forward to reading your responses to the messages I’ve already sent in there. Thanks so much!

Let me reiterate: I will not be using the program you recommended. I will continue to email and text. If you choose to not communicate with me through the same methods we have been using I will assume you are not comunicating with me.

Hey Chuck, I’m glad the sun is out. Hope you’re enjoying it. 

I agree that we need to improve our communication. No worries if this takes a minute to figure out. My responses will be in OFW whenever you’re ready. 

I know neither of us wants any of the problems we’ve had in the past. Since the mediator and Dr. Lewis suggested it, I invested to get us both the premium subscription ($216 each), so I’ll just keep responding there since it’s what the court will recommend.

I appreciate that we can work together. Thanks!

Carmen

Carmen,

Thanks, the sun was quite nice.

In order to avoid involving the children in our disagreement and causing them distress (since it appears you will force the issue, like by calling Damian and Gabriel this morning to tell them you would pick them up tonight), I am pretending to the kids that this was the plan all along. So, they think that pickup was always planned for tonight at 7pm. Since it appears you will force the issue with Emma as well, I am also going to pretend that you really just missed her so much when she was gone, and so we planned for you to have 1:1 time with her on the 12th of January overnight (since she is back tomorrow, not Wednesday). She will love that, and there is no need to tell her anything about our disagreement.

I think it is really sad and disappointing that you were willing to break our scheduling agreement midway through the break, and then call the kids to force the issue. It really is counterproductive to our coparenting relationship, and it is really sad that you are willing to use the children as leverage. I wish I could say that was shocking, but with you it isn’t.

I had already planned on the handoff tonight at 7pm, before you decided to call the children and inappropriately involve them, since I didn’t want to cause anxiety for them if you showed up.

I would recommend speaking with your lawyer about attempting to force us to switch communication methods, with neither warning nor discussion, simply because you have strong beliefs about what the court may or may not decide at some point in the future, and because you really want to. It takes two people working together to make that change without the court ruling, and you aren’t exactly treating me like a person with an equal role in this decision. Maybe forward this email chain to your attorney and ask what he thinks the best way to proceed is. He seems like somebody who would know.

Thanks,
Chuck

Max and I talked my attorney. He said that OFW would be better, but if Chuck won’t do it, not to push it too hard right now. So I’ll be apathetic. The message Chuck sent on Jan 3, 2024, 7:49 PM is CRAZY! He’s NEVER done homework with the kids before, ever. I thought, what a boat load of lies.

But when the kids got home Lucas said that Chuck did homework with them the entire time! It was so triggery since he’s never done that before. Anyway, it’s clear it’s a trap, so I’ll give him the impression I’m apathetic about it. Bekka’s appointment is on Chuck’s parent time, and he’s never taken any of the kids to medical appointments before, so we’ll see what happens.

Bekka’s therapist asked me about how Chuck was doing. I told her he seems to be struggling and I had tried to get him on OFW (she had recommended it previously to him). She said she would reach out to Chuck to “touch base” and see if he had implemented the suggestion she “gave him”.

Carmen,

Hope you’ve had a good few days with the kids after the break. It’s been great to hear how well Carlos is doing on this new medicine! I know it’s a small sample size (just 2 days before the break and 2 days after), but it really seems to be working so far. He’s been so happy about school and proud of himself. I noticed a difference over the break as well. He seemed to gain confidence in himself and get less frustrated and distracted with reading and writing. He seems to just feel more successful overall.

Lucas still has an F in STEM for the 2nd quarter. According to the message from one of his teachers today, even though the quarter is over, kids have until tomorrow night to do make up work. The STEM Career slideshow is worth 15% of his Q2 grade by itself (same as the Cars of the Future slideshow I did with him before the break). We’ve been working on that tonight. He will need help to get that done and turned in, seeing as he hadn’t even started it despite being due on December 18th. If you’re able to help him finish it, that would be great. It’s been slow going, since he hadn’t even watched the videos, but now he’s watched them and started the slides.

Sadly the F won’t become a D with this assignment, but 55% is still significantly better than 40%. That should help his year.

Carlos did his homework tonight as well, and Bekka read and did some eye therapy homework (word searches).

The boys read 20 minutes and wrote a single full page story every day over the break–I thought it was too late for make up work until the message from that teacher today, otherwise we would have done that instead. Bummer!

Cheers,
Chuck

Carmen,
After our emails back and forth about OFW, I received an email from Dr Lewis regarding her recommendations for using the OFW app. After discussing it briefly with her today, I think it sounds reasonable, and I will go ahead and sign up for an account. I will let you know when that is all set up on my end.
Thank you,
Chuck Garcia
Cell: (614) 446-3299
Email: chuck@email.com

Hey, Chuck [weather], That sounds good. I’d already paid for your OFW account and responded in the OFW app. Hopefully you received the email from OFW to set up yoru account. Thanks!

Chuck often creates chaos right before appointments. Even though he knows full well that the HIPAA link can’t accommodate more than the psychiatrist and one other person, he lied and said that he didn’t get the link FROM ME (like it’s my fault) and he also lied that he was driving to the therapists office. He may have been driving there, I didn’t know, but if he was, there was nothing I could do about it.

He keeps texting, even though we’ve transitioned to OFW.

The appointment was less than 10 minutes long. We scheduled a follow up and I put it on the OFW Calendar. Dr. Hinkley’s info is also in the info bank.

After I received the second text from Chuck, I emailed “Dr. Hinkley, thank you so much for meeting today. I told my ex, Chuck, that the link doesn’t accommodate people joining from two different locations. He’ll be contacting you to discuss. Thanks so much!”

THEN I messaged Chuck in OFW.